He spent years in exile, self-imposed exile, his empire in ruins, his confidence shattered,

his face, his beautiful face disfigured in a horrible accident.

A once famous and now broken man, unrecognizable to the world and unrecognizable to himself.

He'd suffered unimaginable loss. He'd lost close family. He'd lost his musical soulmate.

He'd fought the cruel and predatory music industry and lost nearly

everything else. Now, in near total isolation, he battled his demons, his addictions, and he might

lose that fight, too. And yet he kept fighting. He physically rebuilt his own face, piece by piece. He stared at himself

in the mirror until he recognized himself again. He mourned the dead, but he also seethed. He plotted,

he schemed. He swore revenge on a fickle populace that claimed to love him, but could never

truly understand him. And in the late 90s, when the time came to strike back, he burst back

into public view and reclaimed the spotlight and unleashed his dastardly plan for total crushing world

domination.

Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Gaines.

In November 1999, country music megastar, Garth Brooks hosted Saturday Night Live and quite ominously

introduced the musical guest, mysterious brooding, smoldering, star-crossed pop music megastar, Chris Gaines. Two things you got to know. Number one,

Garth Brooks has sold 162 million records all time. Second, all time only to The Beatles with 178 million.

And he's just one guy, right? Garth Brooks can still sell more records than anybody you can think of, even if he'll only

sell physical CD box sets in Walmarts or Pigley Wigleys or at car washes or whatever.

Garth Brooks is permanently unfathomably huge, and never more so than he was in 1999.

Second thing you've got to know is that Chris Gaines is Garth Brooks in a wig.

Ten things two since you've found him.

What's this future about?

...