My mission is simple, to make you money.

I'm here to level the playing field for all investors.

There's always a home market somewhere, and I promise to help you find it.

Mad Money starts now.

Hey, I'm Kramer. Welcome to Mad Money. Welcome to Kramer.

Other people want to make friends. I'm just trying to make a little money. My job's not just entertained, but to teach you. So call me at 1-800-743 CBC. You're tweet me at Jim Kramer. In a bull market, there is nothing worse than watching the averages were higher while your portfolio just sits there barely moving. It makes you feel like a complete dope, doesn't it?

Like the stock market must be some sort of total shell game. But really, it just means

you might be making a few basic mistakes. That's why tonight I'm devoting the whole

show to my playbook for taking advantage of a short-term rally. Not to be confused with a so-called

bear market rally, which is a bogus term people

throw around whenever stocks go up at a time when the intelligentsia thinks they should be going

down. Sell, sell, sell, sell, sell, sir. Yep, I want to give you my game plan for handling

short-term gains. Now, I know what a lot of you are thinking, what kind of incompetent

dofuss needs a guide to make money and rally?

What's next?

Is Kramer going to draw us a diagram?

Explain how to pick your nose?

I mean, man, potty training?

Should I just start reading picture books to children?

Hey, we've already got the animal sound effect.

And reading rainbows been off the air for more than a decade. Maybe you feel like that that's the

same level of difficulty as making money when the stock market is on fire? Who needs help when

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