In this episode of The Forgotten Podcast, Jami sits down with Renaut van der, Lead Pastor of Mosaic Church in Orlando, Florida, to discuss the difficult and often unspoken challenge faced by adoptive and foster parents: what to do when your adult child rejects you. Renaut and his wife, Brooke, are parents to eight children, including four adopted from Ethiopia. Renaut shares the deeply personal and painful experience of having two adopted daughters cut off relationship and label the family as "toxic" and "abusive". The conversation frames this experience using the prodigal child paradigm to provide a biblical framework for navigating this complexity. Renaut discusses the tension between pursuing and letting go, distinguishing between normal rebellion and the child wanting the parents' provision ("stuff") but not the relationship ("you"). He offers practical guidance on setting boundaries, parenting the children who remain in the home, and maintaining an open heart while trusting God with the timing of potential reconciliation, reminding listeners that they are in a "safe story, just a dangerous chapter".

About the Guest
Renaut van der is the Lead Pastor of Mosaic Church in Orlando, Florida, which he and his wife, Brooke, planted in 2002. Together, they have eight children, four of whom were adopted from Axo, Ethiopia. Renaut is transparent about his family’s experience with two adult daughters cutting off contact, prompting him to find a functional, biblical approach to dealing with the personal rejection and pursuit of a prodigal child.

In This Episode

• - The personal experience of two adopted daughters rejecting the family and creating a narrative of abuse and toxicity.
• - How the "prodigal child" paradigm helps parents navigate personal rejection and pursuit with a biblical framework.
• - Distinguishing between typical rebellion and the prodigal essence, which is a child wanting the parent’s stuff but not the parent.
• - The necessity of progressively removing transactional pieces of the relationship to stop affirming that non-relational dynamic.
• - The importance of directing energy toward parenting the children who stayed, to ensure the grief over the prodigal does not steal attention from them.
• - Guidance on handling sibling dynamics, including how to set boundaries with the children who remain connected to the rejected adult child.
• - How to keep the "porch light on" in your heart and set relational protocols for a progressive return and reconciliation.
• - Finding peace and comfort by reminding yourself that you are in a "safe story, just a dangerous chapter"

 

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