Hey girl, what's up with you?

Wait a minute, is this the right number?

It's, um, the loser line.

Come on, just call me back.

If you haven't heard the loser line before, it works like this.

Let's say someone approaches you while you're out at the club and uses this charming pickup line on you.

Hey, kitten.

I came over here because I was watching you eat that mozzarella stick, and I thought you might need a napkin.

Okay.

Kind of greasy, huh?

Huh?

Because you look like a dirty girl.

What?

From a mozzarella stick?

Whatever you do.

Don't resist the urge to throw marineris sauce directly into his eyes.

Instead, tell him that he's the grueviest dude that you've met all night.

And then, when you're walking back to his camper van, give him the number of the loser line.

Maybe before the camper van.

No, do it right at the door and tell him to call you sometime.

And hopefully he leaves an awkward voicemail we can play on the air.

Voicemails like this one.

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