Hey girl. What's up with you?

Wait a minute. Is this the right number? It's the loser line. Come on, just call me back. If you haven't heard the loser line before, it works like this. Let's say someone approaches you while you're out at the club and uses this charming pickup line on you. Oh, hey, cutie. We don't know each other, but you remind me of a campfire.

How so?

Because you're really hot, and I want to smell like you for the next two to three days.

That was... Sexy?

Yes.

Whatever you do, don't take out his own bear spray to use against him.

Instead, tell him he should call you sometime.

And hopefully he leaves an awkward

voicemail for us that we can play on the air. Voicemails like this one.

Next message. Hey, Amy, it's did. I'm sorry I haven't called you in like what, I don't know,

a month since we last saw each other. So I, super awkward, but

when I was at your place, I think I left Stormbreaker at your apartment. If you remember,

you know, that was Thor's Hammer that he was using in the last movies, not the first one.

And, you know, we were dressed up and I was dressed up like him. And, you know, look, the last time I had it was when I was over at your place. If I could just get it back, I'd really, really appreciate that. Next message. Oh, my gosh. Why do I feel like this guy spent literally the entire last month calling every person he possibly has

ever met him to find this thing?

Hanging up flyers even.

Have you seen this?

I need that back.

Next message.

Hey, Nick, it's late.

I was going to just put this in a text, but you were so great and so wonderful, but like,

...