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Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore.

With me, James Shakeshaft. And me, Alistair, I know you're going on comedy tour. Yeah, I mean, I actually am. It's not a joke that I am going on tour. I actually am. But it's a funny tour. It's a very funny tour. I'm looking up some of the places you're going to go just to pre-warn you about some of the spooky things that might come across your path. So I've got you some tales from Maidstone in Kent.

In Kent?

In Kent.

In Kent.

Oh, Alistair, this is kind of a midi episode. Do you remember the midi format?

Somewhere between a full episode and a mini episode. Exactly.

It's,

I always hypothesised that they should have midi baby bells.

Because you get mini baby bells and you get bells.

Yes.

And then somewhere in between should be a midi baby bell, I think.

And the maxi bell, of course. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. For the summer. The Maxibell XL. Yeah. Well, in that case, in order to sort of pad this midi episode out, can I raise a point of order? Because this has been, it has been weighing on my mind all year, James. All year? All year. By which I mean, I have forgotten to bring it up every podcast we've recorded so far. Go on. Would you describe, and I invite the listener in their head before James answers to consider the answer, would you describe a jammie dodger to me? Yes. Go on then. You describe a jammie dodger. What is a jammie dodger? Is this like the time when you tried to claim my voice to get into my voice activated saying? No, just tell me what a jammie dodger is and also your mother's maiden name and your bed state of birth. Okay. Well, I'll start with the jammy dodger. Standard jammy dodger, because there are variants. Oh, he knows it. He knows this stuff. I'm not going to catch James out. Go ahead. Go ahead. Flat biscuit. Yeah. Jam. Yes. Biscuit with a hole in it, like a donut sort of shape. Absolutely. Absolutely correct. James, I'm not at all surprised that you have nailed it. Because if you've got it wrong, it would have been the end of this partnership. Definitely. They say that the hole in the middle of the Jammy Dodger is a window to the soul. Yeah. By the way, if you are American, you don't know what they are, because it does sound like it's something that might be a slur in Britain, jammy dodger.

But it is a biscuit or a cookie that James has just described.

Did you know, James, there are people out there, including my lover and confidant, who reckon they've got cream in them.

Cream and jam. No, that's the variant. That's the variant. You're speaking in my language here, James. That's the variant. That's not the basic. That's not the standard. Yes. Yes. Your basic jammy dodger is just jam plus dodge. Which is presumably refers to the hole. Yeah.

And the hole is the dodge. Yeah. Because they're saving money on the hole. That's actually, you think that's, you think that over the course of, you know, a decade of biscuit production, think of what they've saved by leaving that hole. Yeah. That's the dodge. That's the dodge. Well, I'm glad we've cleared that up because I will bet you that there are people listening who reckon.

Well, it upsets me to think that people who listen to this might think the Jammy Dodgers have cream in there.

But I feel like if there's ever a group of pedants geared up to set the world to rights about something, it's the listeners to this podcast. And so let's just spread the word, jammy dodgers don't have creaming. Let's just clear that up. As standard, obviously there are... It's a seasonal variant. There are variants. We're not saying there aren't variants. No. No one's saying that. I would, I could conceive of a chalky dodger.

A minty dodger?

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