In a world where every conversation is about what movie or TV show you've just seen, this is

never seen it.

Comedians rewriting famous movies and TV shows they've never seen.

Hey everybody, this has never seen it. I'm your host, Kyle Ayers. This is the podcast where

comedians rewrite famous movies and TV shows they've never seen before, and we read those

scripts. I'm joined today by a new guest, first time here on the podcast. Lisa Wallen is here.

She has never seen Twilight, but we read what she figures it probably was. And as a fellow millennial of the arts, I think she kind of nails it. We have a lot of fun. This is, it's incredible to go back and reminisce about everything sort of was like and felt like and everything back there. When these were all coming out, such a huge, huge staple, these movies, and we have a lot of fun. We play some games. We just have a real good time hanging out. This is a very fun episode. I appreciate you guys being here. Let's see what Lisa thinks Twilight probably was, even though she hasn't seen it. Sorry for the disjointed intro here. I don't know what is happening, but there's a lot of outside noise. So anyways, you guys are wonderful. You're going to love this episode. Lisa is great. Kelly McInerney is here. Also great. We have a really fun time. You know, this is the best. Go find Lisa online. Instagram is Wisa Lollen, W-I-S-A-L-L-E-N. And everything can be linked from there. She just pretty much her handle across all this stuff. This is a fun episode. You're going to love it. Lisa Wallen has never seen Twilight, but she rewrote it. And let's check it out. Oh, and if you're in New York, April 5th, I'm doing my show, hard to say at Union Hall. It's a Saturday, 7.30 p.m. Only one show. kind of all the travel I got planned right now. And it's going to be fun. Tickets are going, so you want to get them soon? Kyler's.com or Union Hall, NY.com. I cannot begin to fathom what all this weird little noises are happening. I hope you don't hear them all, but I hope you do have a wonderful day. Enjoy this episode. Come out to New York, April 5th.

I used to have like, I would get the Lego magazine growing up, and then you would send

away, and then it would take six weeks to get the Lego set back to you,

and you would just forget that you had ordered it, and it was the best.

That's what I do to not kill myself sometimes,

is that all like buy a statue online that is made to order,

and it'll ship in a year.

I've done it twice.

I was like, I'm feeling really low.

Maybe she's spent $800 on the statue, and it'll ship in a year. I've done it twice. I was like, I'm feeling really low. Maybe she's spent $800 on the statue and it'll show up in 10 months. What is it a statue of? Yeah. It's a 32 inch statue of Virgil from Devil May Cry 5. And how, where do you put that? Next to my bed. He protects me every night. Okay. Yeah. And then, but so someone's making that one. Like it doesn't exist when you order it. They make 500 of them.

I've done this twice. First time was I was living at home with my parents. Are we recording now? Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. First time I was, I was living at home with my parents and I had just lost my job. It was right before I moved here and I was feeling low and I was like, I need to do something. I bought the statue and it showed up a year and a half later. Forgot I ordered it. And the second time was when I moved to LA, I bought myself a gift and was like, well, I can't kill myself because this thing's going to ship. So does it take forever because they have to make it? Yeah. Boy, if you killed yourself, you'd be so embarrassed. Right. And then someone has to inherit that? That'd be so

embarrassing. Your parents, it? Yeah. Boy, if you killed yourself, you'd be so embarrassed. Right? And then someone has to inherit that?

That'd be so embarrassing.

Your parents would be mourning and then they get this weird gift.

Yeah, I need my fans and send me more statues, actually.

That's what you need to do.

...