A friend of mine lost a parent to a long battle with early onset Alzheimer's yesterday,

which I think is like one of the more painful and taxing ways for a family to lose someone.

And this is someone I know somebody I care about, but not somebody I've ever been super, super close to or like best friends with.

And when I first heard my initial reaction was sort of like angry.

Like why the fuck does anyone have to go through something like that?

But in part, probably because my own Mimi, my mom's mom is currently battling Alzheimer's.

I'll be it not early onset, but still Alzheimer's.

And in part because it's really hard to think about how much pain and suffering there is in this world.

And I spent a lot of time lately.

By lately I really mean like the last ten years or so, thinking about my own personal purpose for existing.

And I don't mean that from like a religious standpoint.

I'm firmly at peace with my own personal religious beliefs.

But from more of a career perspective.

And I don't mean financially like what can I do to make money?

But from more of a fulfillment angle.

Like what's gonna make this all matter, right?

It started in college when I first realized I didn't have the slightest fucking clue what I was gonna do to make a living out their graduation.

And then when I found my footing professionally, that desire for purpose found new life.

I was doing something and I was having fun doing it, but to what end?

And then once I saw some success, my quest changed forms yet again.

This is working. Now how do I use it to some to do some actual good?

And then this most recent chapter of independence bred an even more complicated version in the never ending search for reason.

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