You're listening to It's Been A Minute from NPR. I'm Sam Sanders. Have you noticed that over the last year you've had to have difficult conversations more than usual?

Conversations about relationships and money and living arrangements and I don't know surviving a pandemic.

I know I have and what I've noticed with those conversations is that no one ever really taught me how to have them. I never got a difficult conversation playbook growing up.

Well, my guest on the show today, she has written that playbook.

When you start a hard conversation, you will want to be able to say why you'd like to talk.

That is Anna Sail. She hosts the WNYC podcast, Death, Sex, and Money. A podcast all about difficult conversations.

She is here this episode to talk about her newest book, which is called Let's Talk About Hard Things.

When you initiate, start by asking if it's a good time to talk and explain why you want to have this particular conversation.

That is Anna reading from her book, which is full of practical tips for hard conversations.

Notice their body language or when their answers become short or clipped. And what makes them expand further?

And this book is also full of stories about difficult chats from people that she's encountered over the years.

The whole thing makes a case that in general we are not having difficult conversations enough.

By default, we avoid them. But that just makes things harder.

So this episode Anna is going to tell us how to stop doing that and how to walk into those conversations prepared.

And I will tell you a little bit about how I quite often get these conversations wrong myself.

But I'm learning, I'm getting better. I promise.

Alright, let's get to it. Here's Anna's sale. Enjoy.

So many times when we are gearing up for conversations that we think are going to be difficult,

we are strategizing about how to win and not thinking about how to be empathetic.

And so I've been this dude so many times in my life where I prepare for a difficult conversation by writing down my talking points

and the points I need to make to win.

And then I have my script to rehearse to make sure I play chess the right way in this chat.

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