Race the rudder, raise the sails, raise the sales!

Captain, an unidentified ship approaching. Over.

Roger that. Wait, is that an enterprise sales solution?

Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors.

With LinkedIn ads, you can target the right people by industry, job title, and more.

To get £100 off your first campaign, go to LinkedIn.com slash lead to claim your credit.

That's LinkedIn.com slash lead. Terms and conditions apply.

Okay. Are you clapping for me?

Is it because it's the birthday of my body double, Chris Hemsworth?

Happy Monday, everyone.

Bernie Sanders claimed that Kamala Harris was heavily influenced by wealthy people.

So who were by wealthy people.

So who were these wealthy people that influenced her?

Well, there was Captain Morgan, Sam Adams, Paul Misan, Robert Mondavi, and of course, Bloody Mary.

Illinois governor, J.B. Pritzker, called the Texas Democrats who fled to avoid a vote on redistricting heroes,

prompting the Dems to go into hiding, fearing Pritzker might eat them.

A little play on words there. According to a new study, aging skin is rejuvenated by young blood and bone marrow,

which explains why the interns of a certain congresswoman keep going missing.

Look at that face.

President Trump said the homeless population in D.C. must move out immediately.

He promised to be careful, though, because some people only look homeless.

Podcaster Jennifer Welch suggested Trump voters should be banned from Mexican, Chinese, and Indian restaurants, as well as gay hairdressers and NBA games.

...