Keeping the Spark Alive – Long-Term & Aging (a/k/a How to Maintain Great Sex) | Dr. Nicole McNichols Part 3

The James Altucher Show

James Altucher

Education, Business

4.6 • 2.7K Ratings

🗓️ 21 February 2026

⏱️ 32 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

A Note from James:

In the first two episodes with Dr. Nicole McNichols, we talked about chemistry, communication, anatomy, and the science of pleasure. This final episode is really about something deeper—how relationships evolve over time and what actually keeps desire alive.

Because the truth is, long-term relationships don’t stay exciting automatically. They require intention. They require curiosity. And sometimes the issue isn’t your partner at all—it’s that you’ve stopped doing things that light you up in your own life.

We also talk about novelty, sex toys, aging, hormones, communication, and why pleasure itself is not optional for wellbeing—it’s essential.

This conversation tied everything together for me.

Episode Description:

How do couples keep desire alive years—or decades—into a relationship?

In the final part of this series, Dr. Nicole McNichols explains why long-term passion isn’t about constant novelty or dramatic reinvention. It’s about intentional connection, personal growth, communication, and maintaining a sense of play.

They discuss the “seven-year itch,” why boredom often comes from losing personal passion rather than losing attraction, and how seeing your partner energized by their own interests can reignite desire. The conversation also explores sex toys as collaborative tools, the health benefits of sexual activity, aging and sexuality, hormone therapy, and practical ways to communicate about sex without embarrassment.

The episode closes with a powerful reminder: pleasure is not a luxury—it’s a core component of wellbeing.

What You’ll Learn:

Why boredom in relationships is often about your own life—not your partner
How pursuing individual passions can increase attraction in long-term couples
Why sex toys enhance connection rather than threaten it
The physical and psychological health benefits of sexual activity
How curiosity, humor, and vulnerability improve sexual communication

Timestamped Chapters:

[00:02:00] Pleasure, Playfulness & Why Attraction Fades
[00:03:28] The Seven-Year Itch & Long-Term Desire
[00:04:00] Intention, Communication & Intimacy Dates
[00:04:45] When Boredom Is About Your Own Life
[00:05:25] Personal Passion & Seeing Your Partner Differently
[00:06:11] The Best Sex of Your Life After Kids
[00:08:16] Novelty Without Threatening the Relationship
[00:09:24] Erotic Identity & Emotional Needs
[00:11:00] Frequency of Novelty & Sexual Compatibility
[00:11:21] Men Feeling Threatened by Novelty
[00:11:42] Sex Toys as Collaborative Tools
[00:13:26] The Pleasure Cycle: Wanting, Liking, Learning
[00:14:12] Sex, Stress Reduction & Sleep
[00:15:23] Health Benefits of Sex
[00:16:08] Pleasure as Essential Wellbeing
[00:19:00] Is Sex the Most Enjoyable Activity?
[00:20:00] Presence, Mindfulness & Happiness Research
[00:21:39] Sex and Meditation
[00:22:00] Sex in Your 80s & Aging
[00:23:22] Loneliness, Health & Sexual Function
[00:24:25] Erectile Dysfunction & Physical Health
[00:25:00] Menopause, Hormones & Sexual Pain
[00:26:23] Hormone Therapy & Medical Guidance
[00:27:35] Communication as the Core Skill
[00:28:35] Leading With Curiosity
[00:29:56] Humor, Playfulness & Awkward Conversations
[00:31:08] Closing Thoughts

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Today on the James Altiger show.
0:04.4	It's not about our partner. We're just kind of bored with our own life. You know, it's really
0:10.3	easy when we lose that feeling of attraction to look at our partner and want to blame them,
0:13.8	but sometimes it's that we don't have anything that really is ours that lights us up anymore.
0:19.3	Pleasure generally is something that is really essential to our well-being.
0:23.5	It's not a treat.
0:24.5	It's not something you've got to, quote-unquote, get lucky to have.
0:27.4	It's not something superfluous.
0:28.9	It's actually a really vital part of your well-being.
0:31.7	And, yeah, approaching it with a sense of playfulness and humor.
0:35.5	And, you know, amazing sex is going to have awkward moments.
0:39.1	That's okay.
0:45.4	This isn't your average business podcast,
0:48.2	and he's not your average host.
0:50.6	This is the James Altager show.
0:59.6	Yeah. This is the James Altiture Show. Previously on the James Altiture show.
1:03.2	No one craves bad sex, right?
1:06.4	No one craves even the same sex every single time.
1:13.4	One thing I will say, though, that's interesting,
1:21.6	is women actually have been found to lose desire more quickly over the course of a long-term relationship than men do, and novelty is more important for them over time.
1:27.6	And so we assume that it's men who get bored quickly and they need, you know,
1:31.1	they're going to go need the new partner or the new thing.
	...

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