Karens, Lutherans, And Chain-Smoking Monkeys
The Babylon Bee
Seth Dillon
4.4 • 2.9K Ratings
🗓️ 22 April 2020
⏱️ 86 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like New York City Mayor de Blasio calling on everyone to be a KAREN, a woman is wanting everyone to affirm her relationship with a chandelier, and the certain future of chain-smoking monkeys taking over the world. Kyle and Ethan then get Hans Fiene of Lutheran Satire wound up about various things in Christian culture.
In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to hear the rest of the Hans Fiene interview and Kyle and Ethan go to the mailbag.
Send your emails to podcast@babylonbee.com and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!
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Show Outline
Introduction - Kyle and Ethan talk about the latest Babylon Bee podcast which happened to have been the latest Audio Mullet episode.
Stuff That’s Good -
Kyle: W.A Criswell’s sermon Whether We Live Or Die
Ethan: Garlic Reaper Hot Sauce
Weird news
California woman dreamed about eating engagement ring — woke up to find she really did
Rusty knife embedded in man’s head for 26 years after being mugged
Woman dating a chandelier has discrimination case thrown out
According to DISRN: A British woman who claims to be in a long-term relationship with a 92-year-old chandelier was told that her attraction to the light fixture is not a protected sexual orientation.
Novelty toilet roll cakes keep Finnish baker in business
Man opens up corroded can of Spider-Man pasta from 1995 after getting 1995 retweets.
Monkeys and Apes chain smoking cigaretts as coronavirus panic grips planet
Monkey caught on camera flying kite on rooftop
Woman dating a chandelier has discrimination case thrown out
Pensioner thrown from fighter jet after accidentally pulling ejector lever mid-flight
Missouri Sues Televangelist Jim Bakker For Selling Fake Coronavirus Cure
Coronavirus: Police raid closed Liverpool comedy club after live-stream mix-up
Stories of the Week
At a press conference this morning, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio unveiled a new way that individual citizens can help enforce social distancing: a.new enforcement program called the Knowledgeable Actors Reporting Edict Noncompliance, or KAREN for short.”
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According to DISRN: De Blasio encourages New Yorkers to snap photos of people not social distancing and text to authorities: "Enforcement will come right away"
Story 2 - Trump Announces America's Grand Reopening Sale
President Trump has announced that America will be reopening soon, and the occasion will be celebrated with an "insane" "once-in-a-lifetime" Grand Reopening Sale.
The grand reopening extravaganza will include 50% off all landmarks and monuments, in a bid to make back some of the trillions lost during the recession.
Story 3 - Dems Rush To Defend Kavanaugh After He Puts On Joe Biden Mask
Democrats are scrambling to defend Brett Kavanaugh against his accusers after he put on a Joe Biden mask.
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According to DISRN: Just last Thursday we pointed out that more than three weeks after Reade's serious public accusation, CNN still had ZERO articles on their website mentioning her name. Not one. Despite 700 articles mentioning Brett Kavanaugh's debunked accuser, Christine Blasey Ford.
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CNN finally ran this headline: Democrats grapple with questions about Tara Reade's sexual assault allegation against Joe Biden
Interview of the Week - Hans Fiene of Lutheran Satire.
Love Mail/Hate Mail- We get two this week. Rich hates the character limit on our contact form. He had so much more to say about us and our $100,000 COVID relief fund set up by Seth Dillon which you can find out more about by contacting us at our website. If you need financial help contact us! Also donate if you are able to chip in to help! We aren’t sure what we did to anger the second person.
Paid-subscriber portion
The rest of the Hans Fiene interview!
Mailbag!
Subscribers, please send you emails to our mailbag at podcast@babylonbee.com so Kyle and Ethan can answer your questions or talk about the things you want to hear about.
Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | In a world of fake news, this is news you can trust. |
| 0:05.4 | Covering our bodies in Chick-fil-A sauce so the predators of secular culture can't see us. |
| 0:12.3 | You're listening to the Babylon B. |
| 0:15.4 | With your hosts, Kyle Mann and Ethan Nichole. |
| 0:21.4 | Hello everybody, welcome to the Babylon B podcast. |
| 0:24.1 | We're currently here cooking in Chick-fil-A sauce, so the predator's a culture can't see us. |
| 0:28.5 | Oh man, I forget that I read. |
| 0:30.5 | I read it was like one afternoon at a Chick-fil-A, at a cigar shop. |
| 0:36.7 | Back when they were open and I could go to the cigar shop. |
| 0:40.8 | But yeah, so I forget completely about them and then I don't think you've heard them. |
| 0:44.9 | And then it's your Dave's saying them. |
| 0:46.9 | That's just great. |
| 0:48.1 | So there's a... |
| 0:49.3 | That's from Predator, he covers himself in my head just to make sure. |
| 0:52.3 | I don't know if he's seen Predator or not. |
| 0:54.0 | I saw it later in life, but I've seen it. |
| 0:55.8 | I remember, yeah, you were like, I've seen one of those Arnold movies, |
| 0:58.0 | I think it was Predator or twins or something. |
| 1:00.3 | No, it was. |
| 1:01.1 | I got it. |
| 1:02.2 | It's the chopper. |
| 1:02.9 | They all blur together. |
... |
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