A Karen, my crazy aunt, tries to force feed my uncle his diet, so he eats exactly what

she tells him to, when she tells him to, but instead the first moment he gets, he shoves

an entire bread roll into his mouth, and she goes ballistic.

Then she tries to enforce her food rules on the rest of the family, and that's when things

go horribly wrong. In the most funny way possible, here's what happened.

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This happened almost 40 years ago. My immediate family was for the most part perfectly normal

and boring. We were not prone to outbursts and tantrums. It was very common quiet,

everyone got along and we were pretty happy with our boredom. I tell you that so you understand

that I had absolutely no experience at all, with people prone to screaming fits.

You should also know that I suffer from a case of terminal morbid curiosity.

I also don't give a care, never did, never saw the fun in it. This happened when we were visiting

for great auntie's funeral. I was 12 years old. My crazy aunt insisted that we all go out to dinner

at her favorite Italian restaurant. It was just the best. She said so and she was never wrong.

The gimmick here was a little flag of Italy on the table. When you want it more dinner rolls,

you raise the flag. This is important. Flag up, you get rolls, flag down, no rolls. Remember that.

The six of us are seated. They take our drink order and bring the bread basket.

The cast has a new member. My poor long-suffering uncle who will one day be made a saint for

being married to my crazy aunt for over 20 years. Some people said that he was an enabler. He

wasn't. He was a victim as well. He couldn't leave her without leaving Emily. It started with the

drink order. My crazy aunt said, um, we'll have five sweet teas. My dad said, I'll have a coke.

My mom said, I'll have a coke. I said tea, no sugar. This is a mortal sin in the south.

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