"Just Tell Me What You Need Me To Do!" Resentment From Having to Remind or Delegate Responsibilities to Your Partner: Episode 238
EmPowered Couples with The Freemans
Aaron & Jocelyn Freeman
5.0 • 589 Ratings
🗓️ 28 June 2022
⏱️ 32 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Having frustrations and feelings of resentment over your roles and responsibilities is a common thing we hear. One parter is frustrated about not getting help, then the response they get is: "just tell me what you need me to do" OR "I'm happy to help, just tell me what" OR sometimes "it's your job, you stay at home, I work, so just get it done".
This is frustrating for both partners, and triggers defensivness and often a conflict. This is because:
- For the partner having to remind: it feels like it's one person's responsibility to "own" the housework. It can feel like parenting your partner.
- For the partner feeling blindsided: I just don't see those things, I wish you'd tell me before you get so frustrated, they feel like a lot of emotion comes at them suddenly.
In this episode you will hear the main sources of this dynamic and what you can do differently to get back on the same page and feeling supported and loved in the roles and responsibilities you choose.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello and welcome to the Empowered Couples podcast. |
| 0:03.0 | We're here you get modern, non-boring relationship advice for you and your partner to communicate like pros, fight smarter, and stay in the same team no matter the challenge that you face. |
| 0:12.2 | I am one of your host, Aaron Freeman. |
| 0:13.8 | And I'm Jocelyn Freeman, but you all just know us as the Freeman's. |
| 0:16.8 | And this episode is about, just tell me what you need me to do. |
| 0:20.7 | Resentment from having to remind or delegate responsibilities to your partner. |
| 0:25.5 | Okay, so this one is going to push some buttons probably for both partners in this situation. |
| 0:31.2 | We posted, it was both a story and then we did a timeline post. |
| 0:35.4 | And I was blown away. |
| 0:38.0 | I didn't even know we were going to receive such a response of people being like, literally, |
| 0:43.1 | this is so frustrating. |
| 0:44.5 | This is one of my top frustrations. |
| 0:47.0 | And I mean, it just blew up from there. |
| 0:48.9 | And really what we were reading from both messages and comments was, you know, it just feels like it's on me |
| 0:56.5 | to have to not only delegate, like tell my partner what needs to be done around the house. |
| 1:02.2 | Shouldn't they be able to see it? But also, why do I have to remind them? And we're going to talk |
| 1:07.3 | about so many areas of like why this is a trigger, sources of why this pattern really happens. We're going to go deep and we're going to talk about so many areas of like why this is a trigger, sources of why |
| 1:11.4 | this pattern really happens. |
| 1:12.8 | We're going to go deep and we're going to give you some practical resources for this. |
| 1:17.3 | So we're going to cover a lot of ground today. |
| 1:19.3 | So first things first, what do we hear from our partner that can sometimes be a trigger? |
| 1:24.6 | Well, one is, just tell me what you need me to do. Now, that sounds |
... |
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