This is an IHeart podcast.

So in thinking about dating and relationships, I've been thinking about what hope means. And because I'm a

double down, because I'm a gambler, because I'm a calculated risk taker, I always feel more alive

when I'm in the game. Like if I knew that I had eight people coming in every day to get a massage

and I knew exactly how much money the massages would cost and exactly how much I would make, I would feel a little bit hopeless because it would be a cap.

I would know exactly what it could be, and that would be slightly soul-crushing for me.

I would rather be paid less but know that I have tremendous upside, which is why the Bethany Clause was so liberating and exhilarating

and why I took shitty pay the first season of Housewives, because I took the shitty pay

because I was betting on myself and knew, yes, I'll take the shitty pay, but you can't ever take a

piece of anything that I build because I was betting on the back end. And I'm a gambler in that way.

I grew up at the racetrack. I'm a gambler in that way. I grew up at the racetrack.

I'm a gambler.

And when I've been in relationships that are solid and peaceful and good, but not

inspiring and I just feel like I'm kind of selling myself a little bit short, I'm a little

bit dead.

I'm a little bit depressed.

I'm a little bit staying dead. I'm a little bit depressed. I'm a little bit staying out of fear and security and

logical reasons. And many people are in relationships for different reasons. And there are many people

who need to be there for security or for what kind of a parent the person is or because it's an arranged

marriage or whatever your reason is. And I'm not saying that that's wrong if that's what you want.

But for me, the lack of hope is death.

So the lack of possibility of hope means you're not alive in the casino.

...