This is an IHeart podcast.

I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different.

What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club?

Answer, a new podcast called Wisecrack, where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story.

Does anyone know what show they've come to see?

It's a story.

It's about the scariest night of my life.

This is Wisecrack, available now.

Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

So this is where I get exasperated because it's the type of story that I get exasperated about, but it's too good a story to not tell.

So I get set up with a guy and the pitch is

very successful, like a billionaire. There's like 800 billionaires in the country and somehow

everybody knows one. So just do the math. The math ain't math. But they mean if someone

has a couple hundred million dollars and it doesn't matter to me. I'm just letting you know that this person says this person's a billionaire. I don't care. I didn't see his fucking W-2 or net worth statement. I am going to start doing that on my dates from now on. But that he's good-looking. He's tall. He can keep up with you. He's fun. He's New York and Miami. He's on his way to Miami now. Can you postpone leaving? Can you stay the week? I said, I'm going back to see my daughter. She doesn't know who I am. My daughter's in the witness protection program. She's been studying and HoneyBadger don't give a fuck. She told me, she told me last week, this would be a good time for you to go to Miami. Everybody thought she was having a party. She wasn't. She's just in her room studying. She's very intense and I love that. And it's so beautiful that she's so intense about like doing well and she does the work. But she basically,

I felt like I was. love that and it's so beautiful that she's so intense about like doing well and she does the work

but she basically I felt like I was a hooker that the job was asking to leave she was like it'd be a

great week for you to go to Miami like you're gonna give me a wad of cash so I can fucking buy myself

something pretty so she she she she pieced me the fuck out I you didn't have to tell me twice

there was skid marks I was I was out the goddamn. We were on a Carvel run because she was studying and we just took a break to go to Carvel. We came home. We were on the way in the car and that's when she told me. We came home. The bikinis were bikini. I was ready to go. I had to do a podcast, I think, the next day. And all of my work obligations

were interfering with my fucking peeling out. But I was out. I was outy 500. So coming back,

Honey Badger really don't give a fuck. I was shocking to me. I was like getting homesick. I miss my

dogs. I miss my daughter. I was like super just like I was over. I'm a bird. I like the nest. I don't like to be away too long. I get excited. I go and then I'm like, get me home. So now I'm distracted by guilt because I don't have the dogs in my room.

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