Growing up I was a pretty happy kid. I was born and raised in the Bay area. I don't hold that against me

But where the weather is right at that point of overlap between heaven and earth, you know, just 78 degrees

350 days of the year. We moved out to Portland when I was 13 and I had my first ever experience with this new phenomenon to me called winter

As my friend Helgi from Iceland likes to say winter is a form of suffering and I could not agree more

But still my teenage years were great. I was introverted and created creative and played in some really depressing indie bands

But overall I was happy but when I was 17 the height of my homeschooler acne and don't ask me why those two things always go together

But you know they do I know from personal experience the doctor put me on a drug for my skin called acutane

Which was later linked to depression and suicide?

I think it had on effect. I think it had a permanent effect. That's likely not true

But on my brain chemistry either way around that period of time late high school

I began to feel a little bit sad

But it could have just been you know nearing adulthood and for the first time ever I was starting to feel the weight of life

This side of Eden

But when I was 18 I was at church one night and I have this very vivid memory

I had an encounter with the spirit of God

I still remember where I was sitting in the room and the vantage point to the church and I felt the spirit of God

Speak into my mind and a very clear thought that came from outside of my own brain and it was one sentence

I am calling you to become a person of joy

Now that sounded great. It's like I'm calling you to become a person who eats ice cream

I'm like, okay, I'm in

Sign me up

But within a few weeks I moved actually was in kind of a gap year moved on to Mexico to volunteer at an orphanage for a few months

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