We were all gone for a long time.

I know a lot of people were gone.

It's our first day back in quite some time.

I went to my parents' house, as we generally do for Christmas.

And my parents getting a little bit older, they have adopted a dog.

They adopted a dog from a golden retriever rescue,

which they'd done before, and the dog was fine.

So they adopted this dog.

It's either three or four.

They don't know.

And I don't know the situation that the dog was in,

but they've had it for like three months.

And my father has got this dog where he has, as though any trainer will tell you, he has

trained it to only respond to him and to follow him around needily wherever he goes.

That's, and this is, my father is getting such ultimate joy from it because there's nothing that makes my father happier than having something that only pays attention to him.

That's what, that's the greatest thing in the world to him.

He's so thrilled with himself that he has this animal following him around everywhere.

So, uh, they're like, hey, we got a new dog.

And I'm like, okay, you know, this would be fun for the kids. I'll go see the dog. And the dog was in my parents' bedroom, and it was laying on the bed. And I said, hello. And I extended my hand, and I had stiffed my hand. And I, you know, got down, like, on my knees and was petting it and was scratching it. And then all of a sudden this junkyard dog showed its teeth and just leapt up and bit me in the nose. Oh, my gosh. And then so I'm like, okay, you've got this junkyard dog's crazy as hell. And it turns out this dog has bit my father in the lip where he had to get three stitches and has bit someone else. So I go to my father, I'm like, hey, and my nose is bleeding. It's a golden retriever? Who knows? I mean, it's like sort of. All right, because that's not quite a golden retriever thing, but if it's like a munt yard dog. It's like a garbage dog that they picked up from some junkyard. I don't know why they got it. What could go wrong? Yeah, what could possibly go wrong with some. And then by the way, there's a nine and a seven-year-old in the house. What could possibly happen? So I come out and my nose is covered in blood. And my father goes, what did you do? Of course. What did you do to the dog? And I said, are you crazy? Like this dog just bit me. You have no concern over it? Oh, it doesn't bite anybody. It just bit me in the face. What did I do? You know what I did, Dad, is I snuck a taser on the plane.

Then I went and tased it, and then it bit me.

You know what I did is I started teasing it.

I had a big steak that I put in front of my face.

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