Welcome to Suicide Buddies. Before we get started with the episode, I just want to say,

Hampton and I joke around on the show a lot about suicide because we're very comfortable with it,

because we've thought about it a lot and dealt with it in our families. We're not making these jokes

to make light of depression itself or the act of suicide. So just please know that while you're

listening. We're on your side. We're doing this to help and if you really are suicidal if you're feeling that way

Please I can't urge you enough call 1-800-273 talk. It's the National Suicide Helpline

They're there 24 hours a day seven days a week. They're amazing. They will talk you through it. You do not need to do it

It stay here with us. Glad you're alive. Okay, and I don't want to go.

They call me on the phone and won't leave me alone when I don't want to go.

Okay, enough fucking around, right?

Now screwing around.

Let's do a fucking funny show.

Okay, I think that's a good start.

Hello, welcome to suicide buddies.

Oh, God, no.

No?

I guess that is the start.

I think that we should start every episode with just lecturing people to take it more seriously.

All right, fuckheads.

Guess what?

You're about to laugh your fucking dicks off.

All right?

...