With the same rules every day, they never change, we don't care.

I am a grown man who plays video games.

I am not here to be in charge of our democracy.

Okay, I got a kid, I got a wife, I got a dog, I got a couple of cats,

and I'm just trying to make my way through the next three hours

and hopefully be a cup of spiritual caffeine for the people listening,

meaning my goal is for these three hours to elevate your vibe, your mood.

Make the workday go by faster, maybe crack, you know, make you crack up a little bit,

maybe consider things from an alternative angle that you might not have, you know, submitted before.

Okay, but the point is we're just here to have the conversation.

And regardless of where you weigh in on the conversation, the point is, I don't care.

Just buy the ticket, take the ride.

Can you dig it?

Can you dig it?

Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you dig it?

Well, even if you can't, you're still welcome.

As it pertains to Kimmel, as a comic, it's really embarrassing when a guy gets on TV and does the opposite of what we've been blessed to do.

Comedy is the coolest skill you can have in showbiz.

There's lots of gorgeous people, obviously, they're much better looking than us,

but there's a lot more good-looking people than there are truly funny people.

And late-night shows are the holy grail of television entertainment. There's not a lot of

them out there. And the people who get them traditionally have them for, you know, 20, 30 years,

...