Jesus 2.0

Titus Podcast

Christopher Titus

Update, Armageddon, Comedy, Arts, Titus, Performing Arts, Christophertitus, Funny, Angrypursuit, News

4.5 • 2.2K Ratings

🗓️ 19 January 2024

⏱️ 96 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Titus Podcast... SCREAM SANITY!

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Transcript

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0:00.0	I'm Christopher Titus and this is the Armageddon update.
0:08.6	The Second Coming of Christ.
0:10.3	Some thought it was Goni, some thought it was Mother Teresa, who both lived by the words of Jesus Christ as well as anyone since Jesus Christ.
0:17.0	Ah, but let me introduce you to American Evangelical Christians.
0:21.0	They think the second coming of Christ is this guy.
0:25.0	That's right. The six-time bankrupt criminal who screwed porn stars while his wife raised their newborn
0:31.1	called soldiers, suckers, and losers, wants to date his
0:34.4	daughter and tried to end the greatest democracy in history, they think that guy is
0:39.6	Jesus 2.0. So what does it take to be Jesus 2.0? Well, let's say Jesus 2.0 is a little
0:46.2	edgier, okay? Number one, no abs at all. This Jesus was ripped and looked
0:50.8	like a woke vegan marathon runner- free climber who only ate organic
0:54.4	kale. Jesus 2.0 is super different. He clogs his arteries with hamburgers and washes it down with
1:00.2	Coca-Cola and cheesecake. Jesus 2.0 is a sturdy type 2 diabetic Jesus.
1:06.2	What does Jesus 2.0 believe? Well, it's a lot different from the real Jesus who
1:10.3	believed in not coveting your neighbor's wife.
1:13.2	Not Jesus 2.0, he covet's coveting like no one ever coveted.
1:17.8	The real Jesus said, the alien who resides with you,
1:20.8	shall be to you as the citizen among you. You shall love the alien as
1:25.4	yourself for you were aliens in the land of agent that's Leviticus nineteen
1:29.9	thirty four. Jesus two point oh said the aliens are poisoning the blood of our nation, which is Hitler, also
1:36.7	1934.
1:38.2	Jesus 2.0 also said about the stranger, they're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime. The rapist and some I assume are good people
	...

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