You're listening to Song Exploder, where musicians take apart their songs, and piece by piece, tell the story of how they were made.

I'm Rishi Kesh Hirwe.

Janelle Monet is an award-winning musician and actress, who released her first record in 2007.

She's been nominated for multiple Grammys, and she starred in the Oscar film's Moonlight and Hidden Figures.

In April 2018, she released her third album, Dirty Computer, which includes this song So Afraid.

In this episode, Janelle Monet takes So Afraid apart to explain how she built it step by step,

beginning with a trip to the dentist. I'm so afraid.

What if I lose?

This is Janelle Monet.

It was October 13th, 2015.

I had a toothache, and I was on the way to the dentist.

I had just finished working on a song, and I was in a very introspective mood at the time,

asking myself questions around my fears, around my anxieties,

and what does it feel like to be afraid of many things, to be afraid of loving myself,

to be afraid of forgiving those who have hurt me, being afraid of falling in love, being vulnerable, but I was dealing with a

toothache, and it was kicking my ass. And so I had made an appointment. And so I took Advil,

got in my car, and I'm riding on the highway, and that is when I had the idea for so afraid.

Okay, talk about all the things that you're afraid of in this very moment.

And whenever I have an idea, I'll pull out my phone and I'll press the voice memo.

I'm afraid that you won't love me. I'm afraid to judge me so.

I'm afraid that you look at me, not like the hero. I'm afraid that you tell my family that I'm not who I am. I'm afraid that I can never, ever be on Instagram.

I was like, okay, let's get it out. Let's get it out. Let's get it out. What are you afraid of? What are these things that have been holding you back, giving you anxiety? Let's just talk about that.

...