Because I, when people are arguing things, let's say when people are arguing things, it's

important that they're arguing about like the same thing.

Like if you came to my house and I'm like, he wore muddy shoes and you're like, he didn't

say hi to me.

And like, we're just going back and forth.

And it's like, yo, let's address the muddy shoes first. And then we'll address that he didn't say hi to me and like we're just going back and forth and it's like yo let's

address the muddy shoes first and then we'll address that you didn't say hi to me yeah i think there's

um when people get in arguments like don't they want to attack the other characters they don't feel

as attacked like i know i've i've done that with my wife which is wrong like she has a problem

me okay let me find something that i need to, I need to find a problem too. So I can, I'm like, that's not the mature way to go about it. That's how you start. No, no, no. Fix her problem before you fix your problem. Right. In a way to date a day before you bring up your issue. Like if she's like, hey, you didn't close the refrigerator, you don't say, you don't do that either. Like you're like, oh shit, thanks for the reminder. You know what I mean? And then two days later, you just wait until she leaves it open. Then you throw it in her face. I try, I try to not throw in the face method. I try the, because she's really good with, like, being

gentle about, like, bringing things up. So I'm trying to be, you know, a gentle husband when I need

some fixed. You know, kindness is always going to get the thing fixed, not yelling.

The thing, the thing with fighting with people, uh, that you love, though, also is, is, like, I never want to win an argument with my wife.

The point isn't to, like, I don't want to win.

I don't want to, like, because then she has to lose.

I'd rather, like, either just one of us have, like, a wake-up moment.

Like, oh, okay, I get it.

Like, I don't get it. Like,

I don't want to make her lose. Isn't that winning better for our connection? You know, like, I just don't want to, kind of, I just don't want her to, like, I just don't want her to leave, like with, like, you don't want to throw it in her face kind of thing? Or, Or like I don't ever want to leave it like she's not whole or she

didn't get something from it or i didn't get something from it as opposed to leave kind of like

diminished like you feel like you were picked on yeah okay yeah that's what you're saying

like if it's the same it's the same thing like when my kids have criticism for me i almost

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