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Thank you. I know.

I know.

I would clap, too too if I were you.

Good evening, everyone.

So Michael Moore warns that America could be deporting illegals that might one day cure cancer or stop an incoming asteroid.

Or even more troubling, they may fail to deliver his meat lover's pizza.

During an angry rant about Doge on The Daily Show,

John Stewart accidentally smashed a coffee mug and bloodied his hand.

I guess Trump wasn't kidding when he promised a lot of new cuts.

Cheering violence, you sick people.

Congressman Dan Crenshaw said if he ever sees Tucker Carlson, he would effing kill him.

Whoa.

Note to Tucker, if you see Crenshaw coming, stay to his left.

Yeah. That is good.

...