This is an I-Heart podcast.

Warning.

The following episode contains adult language, discussion of miracles, arranged marriages,

Channing Tatum, and the disclosure of at least one

Bible-approved stoning. Sensitive listeners, take care.

So here's a confession I'm going to make right at the top of the show. I don't believe in astrology, but astrology keeps happening to me.

Now everyone says podcasting is the most visual medium, so I made you a slideshow to try to explain.

This is the real skyline drive. It's in Delaware, and growing up, when I couldn't sleep,

it's one of the many places I would drive to look at the stars.

This is the moon. It rules our emotions. This is Mercury in retrograde. You know it because

it makes life miserable. This is Rahu and Kathu. They're important and mischievous nodes

in Vedic astrology. They're prominent in Donald Trump's horoscope, and they're also responsible

for Paris Hilton. This is me. I was born May 1st, 1979.

This is the sky at the time I was born.

In Western astrology, it makes me a torus.

These are some other tourists. Pol Pot, Ayatollah Komani, Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler,

Barbara Streisand.

The fact that we're all tourists has made me doubt astrology for a very long time.

These are my parents.

They've been hitched 51 years and every morning my dad makes my mom a cup of tea

and then they sit and do the spelling bee in pencil.

It's adorable, right?

...