Hey all our fat raccoons.

How are you?

I'm not trying to body shame anybody.

Like I'm the fattest raccoon.

I just feel like I'm not alone, right?

I feel like we're in this dumpster together

here at reality TV cringe. Well, you know who's not with us, though? Beatrice, my real tight

home girl, my ride or die bestie. She's not here. And do you know why? Well, I'll tell you why.

It's because we live in North Texas,

and right now in North Texas, there is a winter storm warning. In North Texas, we get these things

called ice storms. I'm trying to have my Texas, Texas, ice storm. And they're bad. And everybody

gets paralyzed, like they can't function and they

forget how to drive. And even if they do drive, though, it's scary to do so because there's like

a thick layer of ice underneath the snow. People drive off the road. There are accidents. It's

pandemonium. I'm having a panic attack. Here's having a panic. Here's a thing.

I told our girl Beatrice, you better not get into your little tuna can of a car and drive the five miles that it takes to my house where all of our audio equipment is just so that we can scream into the night about the ridiculous nature of 90-day fiancé the other way.

Did you watch that?

What's happening?

Are we in an alternate timeline?

What's going on with the people on this program?

It is ridiculous.

And all I wanted, all I ever want is to sit across from my girl B and talk mad shit about

...