It’s a Me Thing, Dang It! - Strengthening Parent-Child Relationships From Changing Their Diapers to (Hopefully!) Them Changing Yours

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

5 • 643 Ratings

🗓️ 13 November 2023

⏱️ 71 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Have you ever wished for a better relationship with your parents? As a parent, do you worry that how you're raising your kids now might make them feel disconnected from you as adults? Where does one start laying the foundation to ensure a healthy parent-child relationship into adulthood? Today, Tony delves deep into these pressing questions, offering insightful answers and practical guidance.Tony discusses the intricate dynamics between parents and their adult children. We explore themes of non-judgmental observation, the crucial role of patience and consistent effort, the art of practicing acceptance, and the importance of self-compassion in mending and strengthening these relationships. Tony sheds light on the common pitfalls of making judgments and assumptions, urging parents to empathize with their children's experiences without imposing their perspectives. The episode emphasizes the parent's role as the primary agent of change, highlighting that while we cannot erase the past, we can certainly start a new, more hopeful chapter. ‘We can't erase the past, but it's okay to start a new chapter, one where growth is possible, and the relationship can find a new form,’ Tony notes, encapsulating the message of hope and resilience.Listeners will discover actionable steps for parents, including the power of self-reflection, acknowledging past hurts, reaching out consistently without pressure, and nurturing self-compassion and patience. The episode also discusses the therapeutic approach of writing a letter to acknowledge a child's experiences to promote understanding and healing. This conversation is about repairing relationships and transforming them through empathy, understanding, and a committed, patient journey toward healing and growth. Tune in for an enlightening exploration of how to nurture and heal the complex yet beautiful connections between parents and their adult children, making this episode a must-listen for anyone looking to deepen and improve these essential relationships in their life.Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch (https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch)Tony mentioned the Instagram account https://www.instagram.com/thesecurerelationship/Please follow Tony’s new Waking Up to Narcissism Instagram account here https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Transcript

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0:00.0	One of the biggest challenges that I see as a therapist is that we truly have a hard time
0:04.7	seeing outside of ourselves because everything that's coming at us every second of every day,
0:09.7	it is being viewed directly through our lens. It's our default setting. And that is part of
0:15.1	the human experience. When you see something or when you hear something, you have to make a judgment.
0:20.1	You're actually already making it immediately. Is it safe? Is it a threat? And if it's not a threat, is it funny? Or what did
0:26.5	that person mean by that? Or how could they say that? Don't they know what that means to me? Don't we
0:30.3	all basically agree on some general rules and tenets of society or of life? So again, our default
0:36.7	setting with our observation of somebody's behavior
0:39.6	is judgment. And at that point, we have already begun that judgment and the next steps are in
0:45.8	motion. We're already thinking up our defense and we're ready to help that person really understand.
0:51.6	Or we're not going to say what's really on our mind because they might get
0:55.2	angry or they may leave us. So often we censor ourselves and then we start to build some
1:01.2	resentment because of things that are happening immediately in our brains that we most likely
1:05.3	aren't even aware of what we're not aware of. And that truly is tragic because little do we know that we're
1:12.4	missing out on more opportunities than we're even aware of due to our defensiveness or due to
1:18.3	our insecurities. And don't get me started on discomfort, even though actually we're going to
1:22.8	talk about that quite a bit today. But we don't like it. But what if I were to tell you that
1:27.2	that that is the very
1:28.6	area, uncertainty and discomfort, where we find the greatest opportunity for growth. Meanwhile,
1:35.0	we want to do more of the things that make us feel good and less of the things that don't.
1:39.7	And over time, we tend to then judge things sometimes very harshly, especially ourselves.
1:45.6	So before we get to the meat of today's topic, I want to challenge you for the next 30 minutes or so to release your grip around judgment, around defending yourself, even in your mind.
	...

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