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Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

Good morning.

This is Laura.

Welcome to the Before Breakfast Podcast.

Today's tip is to invite stories, not explanations.

A good way to do that is to avoid asking questions that start with the troublesome word, why?

A few weeks ago on this podcast, I suggested beginning negotiations by saying tell me your perspective.

This tip came from Alexandra Carter's book, Ask for More.

By inviting your conversation

to tell you their perspective, you learn about their understanding of the situation

and their hopes and any frustrations, so you're better able to find the

solution you can both agree on. Avoiding why questions has some similar benefits and for conversations of all sorts, not just formal negotiations.

A question that begins with the word why tends to bring up an

answer that begins with because and often continues with a defensive tone. Why questions can put people on guard,

and they often elicit responses that are justifications,

rather than more helpful narratives.

...