Mom always told me to be a good boy, but the world said I could be anything I wanted to be,

which is great!

Because I want to be a problem.

No, I won't dive into sex, drugs, or gender confusion.

To the world, that would make me a good little boy.

I will learn formal logic and adhere firmly to the concept of objective truth. I will commit myself absolutely

to the authority of the Word of God and make friends with Augustine, Luther, Calvin, Chesterton,

Lewis, and the U.S. Constitution. I hope to grow up and love only one woman, a woman at least as clear

thinking and rebellious in this world as I will

be, who knows where true beauty lies and who will never let me stop striving to be the biggest

problem I can be. I will give my life for hers and aim to have a family large enough to require

specialty automobiles. We will worship in a church, unashamed of the gospel, and live in a community of

families doing the same. I will work myself to the bone providing for my family, and I will make

sure my kids all fall in love with Narnia and Middle Earth, that they will all know how to think,

that evolution will make them giggle, and rainbows will make them think of Noah

and his archie-irky. Like I said, I will be a problem, immune to all that is hip and trendy

and now. Singing songs are centuries old, savoring good wine, and great whiskey, dancing and

laughing and feasting while the enemies of God scowl and glower in sheltering place.

Hello boy, the world says.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I want to be a metastasizing cancer of conservative Christian culture,

devouring Marx's impotent, progressive dream and building a resurrected Western world.

...