Intimacy, Individuality, and Breaking the Trauma Cycle with Terry Real

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Being Well

Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.8 • 2.7K Ratings

🗓️ 6 June 2022

⏱️ 70 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

On one of our favorite episodes of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson are joined by author and therapist Terry Real to talk about how to overcome the myth of toxic individualism, break trauma cycles, and experience real intimacy in our relationships. They discuss how to balance acceptance and agency, develop a healthy sense of trust and self-esteem, communicate what we want effectively, and experience our power through collaboration rather than dominance. Terry describes how we can move past the delusions of toxic individualism and patriarchy that plague our culture, moving away from ‘me vs. you’ and into Us. About our Guest: Terrence Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and bestselling author. He is the founder of the Relational Life Institute, which offers workshops for couples as well as professional training for clinicians in his Relational Life Therapy (RLT) methodology. His latest book is Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship which comes out June 7th. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:45: Terry’s personal transformation 4:55: Regulating up to our parents 7:05: The Adaptive Child vs. the Wise Adult 14:25: Us vs. the delusions of individualism and patriarchy 18:05: Balancing acceptance and agency 22:45: Enlightened self-interest and working with couples 29:25: Three phases to get more of what you want in relationships without a counselor 33:35: How to support people–particularly women–in dealing with unfairness 37:15: Gendered tendencies–moving into intimacy and out of patriarchy 43:20: Shame and healthy self-esteem 49:40: Relational reckoning and relational integrity 56:55: Repairing trust and grandiosity 1:01:00: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Try Splendid Spoon today and take meal-planning off your plate. Just go to SplendidSpoon.com/BEINGWELL for $50 off your first box Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to Being Well, I'm Forest Hanson.
0:10.4	If you're new to the podcast, this is where we explore the practical science of lasting
0:14.5	well-being.
0:15.5	And if you've listened before, welcome back.
0:17.7	I'm joined today as usual by Dr. Rick Hanson, so dad, how are you doing today?
0:21.9	Super, and I'm very much looking forward to our guest.
0:25.2	Very much the same.
0:26.2	Today we are joined by someone that I've really been looking forward to talking with.
0:30.2	He's a renowned family therapist and an expert in male psychology and trauma, Terry Real.
0:36.5	Terry is a clinician and author who focuses on helping people learn how to create the relationships
0:40.8	they desire.
0:42.0	He developed the relational life therapy framework, founded the relational life institute, and
0:46.8	over the years has trained thousands of mental health professionals in those approaches.
0:51.1	He's the author of the classic bestseller, I don't want to talk about it, overcoming the
0:55.4	secret legacy of male depression.
0:58.0	And his most recent book, which comes out on June 7th, is Us.
1:01.7	Getting past you and me to build a more loving relationship.
1:05.5	So Terry, we've, as we said, have been really looking forward to talking about this.
1:09.5	We got the opportunity to talk a little bit before we started today.
1:12.5	How are you doing?
1:13.5	I'm doing great for us.
1:15.5	Thank you for having me.
	...

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