a friend of mine said, you need to get to Rudy Giuliani.

Giuliani's getting all kinds of people pardoned.

And the sad truth is, and I hate to sound crass, but partons were for sale in the Trump

administration.

They really were.

Yep.

So I reached out to a guy who I know who works for Giuliani.

And I said, you know, listen, I'm really interested in a pardon.

Here's my story.

Here's who I've spoken to.

I've got Tucker Carlson helping me and a couple of other people, Alan Dershowitz.

And he said, well, as it turns out, we're going to be in Washington next week.

So why don't we all get together?

I said, great, I'll meet up with you anytime you want.

And he said, and I should have known from the beginning this was a problem.

He said, well, we've got to meet before

two because rudy's usually so drunk by two that he can't get any work done and i said okay

so we met at noon at the trump hotel and uh it was juliani his number two, my lobbyist, and me.

And so we're talking about, you know, the weather and the bar is really nice.

And, oh, there goes, you know, Matt Gates walking into the bar.

And I said, so about the issue of this pardon.

And as soon as I said it, Giuliani says, I have to hit the head.

...