I get called in ministry.

I asked to meet with a youth pastor. I'm like 12, 13 years old. And I'm like, I want to be a youth pastor. And the person was like, that's really cute. You're going to need to marry a pastor. Every intern was required to do boot camp. My male pastor comes around and starts looking in my head. You have so many bobby pins in here. And he starts undoing all of them in my hair.

You have seven bobby pins in your hair and that makes you have 20 items. Did you think you're

better than everyone else? Just because you've been with us this long, just because you've been in our

ministry before. They had us all bring backpacks and they put bags of flour inside of our

backpacks. And that was

supposed to be the weight of ministry. This is what they told us. When you're a ministry,

you can never put the weight down. I was blindfolded. My roommate was not and she had to maneuver me

through a maze of mousetraps. And while there's like six different types of heavy metal and rock

music blasting from different speakers.

And so I can barely hear her. And it's like, hear the voice of God in the midst of chaos.

We had to carry these backpacks through every situation on this trip. Like the mousetraps,

I was on my hands and knees with a backpack, six pounds of flower in it. And so I'm like trying to

listen to my roommate and i had a panic

attack the last activity we did before we left was the most traumatizing to me and i carried it with me

until maybe like a couple years ago for years i would do everything in my power to serve the lord

and the ministries that were in front of us until I was at my

bare bone.

Mine is the only voice.

What have I been doing?

Lay down my autonomy.

After that, it got very dark very quickly.

...