You're going to go. We have three hours before my first meeting, so can I see your little black book now or what?

No, it doesn't work that way.

First, I ask all my doves to fill out a questionnaire.

Uh, doves?

It's my classification system.

A dove is a brand new client.

A hawk is someone who's actively searching.

And penguins are those who found their long time partner.

Bona, my love life is in the hands of a crazy bird lady.

Okay, so question one, what's the darkest moment of your life?

Well what?

I thought these were going to be questions like, what's your favorite movie?

It's Die Hard, by the way.

Dante, if we're going to get to the root of why you're still single and break through the emotional

barriers, then we've got to get straight to the meaty stuff.

Wow, you are like Tony Robbins for sad single people.

Are you sad, Dante?

Is this matchmaking or psychoanalysis?

A bit of both.

Your process is too involved.

In my experience, people want to plug in their data and see options.

Boom.

...