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Hi, this is Janet Lansbury.

Welcome to Unruffled.

Today I'm going to be replying to a parent's question. Their subject line is help with boundaries and

consequences. They've been using consequences to help with their children's behavior, and they found

that this is backfiring, actually. It's not helping them in the situations they need help with

with their children. And also, their son is starting to threaten consequences back to them.

So I'm hoping to help this parent reframe some of the ideas that he has and get clearer on his role and what will really work for him to achieve his

goals, which is to have a close, trusting relationship with his children. And that's what we all

want, right? Okay, so here's the email that I received. Dear Janet, in the process of writing this letter,

I'm probably going to answer a lot of my own questions, or at least be able to predict what

you're going to say in response. But I still think I need to write it. Maybe I'll write it

and then have no need to send it, but let's see. Firstly, I love your approach. Every time I listen to a

podcast or read some of your wisdom in your book, it aligns perfectly with how I want to be as a parent.

I'm 100% on board with your principles. What I find difficult is putting it into practice.

What I get from you is that I should be developing a mindset

rather than a list of practices or stock phrases, and I like that.

But it is a difficult thing to do.

I can have a day where I'm listening to your podcast on the way home from work

and have a really positive mindset

in place. And then, when I get home, one or two things can happen, and it's all gone out the window.

...