ICYMI - "Porch Pirates" Steal Holiday Packages
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Comedy Central
4.2 • 14.2K Ratings
🗓️ 29 December 2019
⏱️ 5 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | You're listening to Comedy Central. |
| 0:02.5 | Pfff! |
| 0:03.5 | Ow! |
| 0:05.0 | With the rise of online retailers, |
| 0:07.0 | it seems like everything is getting delivered to our doorstep. |
| 0:11.0 | Last year, my cousin was pregnant, |
| 0:12.5 | and her baby showed up in an Amazon envelope. |
| 0:15.0 | Yeah, they saved on hospital bills and free shipping. |
| 0:18.0 | But if you're one of the millions of people |
| 0:20.0 | waiting for a holiday package to be delivered to you, |
| 0:22.5 | you better watch out, |
| 0:24.0 | because some assholes are coming to town. |
| 0:26.0 | Faster than they arrive, |
| 0:28.0 | packages can disappear. |
| 0:30.0 | Tonight, porch pirates are striking across the country, |
| 0:32.5 | just as a record number of deliveries are being made. |
| 0:35.5 | Captured on camera, |
| 0:37.0 | but not always caught by police, |
| 0:39.0 | the New York Times says nationwide, |
| 0:41.0 | more than 1.7 million packages are stolen |
| 0:44.0 | or go missing every day. |
| 0:46.0 | 90,000 in New York City alone, |
... |
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