You're listening to Comedy Central.

Yay, Lewis Black.

How are you, man? I just wanted to call and see how you're doing.

Oh, gee, thanks. Good to know. I'm a fifth week friend.

Wait, what? What are you talking about?

I mean, I didn't expect you to check in on the first week.

That's for family and close friends.

But the fifth week, even my proctologist called me a week three.

And I haven't had a functioning prostate in years.

Oh, but I guess you wouldn't know anything about my prostate. Would you, Trevor?

You never asked. Because I'm just a fifth week friend.

Well, you know what, Lewis? I could say the same thing about you.

You haven't called me the entire month.

Well, that's because I was too busy reading your book.

Oh, wow. I'm flattered.

Well, don't be. I was just trying to see if there was something in your past

that would have made me a fifth week friend.

Well, Lewis, I feel like you need to get over it. I mean, I'm calling you now, right?

I just wanted to see how you're doing during quarantine. What's going on?

Oh, just great, Trevor. I mean, besides waiting for your call,

I spent my days trying to remember what I didn't do that day.

And as night draws, and I remember that I can't clock!

...