I Was Losing Myself
Love Over Addiction
Michelle Anderson
4.8 • 1.5K Ratings
🗓️ 21 November 2023
⏱️ 11 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
When I was married to a good man who suffered from addiction, I made a list of things I could control vs. things that I needed to let go of because, after a decade of loving him, I was losing myself.
My wake-up call came when my friend from college was visiting for a weekend and tenderly said, "Michelle, I don't even recognize you anymore."
I was a shadow of the woman I once was. Addiction was stealing my husband's life, and slowly, like a thief in the night, it was creeping into my mind, heart, and soul to grab any self-confidence, self-respect, or self-love I had left.
And if I wanted to save myself, I needed to fight addiction head-on.
For some of us, this winter season feels like rock bottom, and The Time Has Come! Are you feeling a true sense of urgency? Is there a voice within yourself that wants to be honored and respected? Are you ready to change the things you can control?
Perhaps you feel that if you don't take control over your own life, the version of yourself that you actually love will continue to die a slow death and be replaced by a very sick person.
If you need some loving reminders this winter season you can find more here:
Love Over Addiction Newsletter: (MichelleAnderson.substack.com) You'll receive an essay via email (this is the same content as the podcast, just in written form - if reading is your thing). It's also a place where you can comment and gain insight from other women in our community. I will be hanging around the comments, too. Subscribe here. Please keep in mind your name will appear if you comment, so please make up a name or use your first name only if you would like to protect your privacy.
Love Over Addiction Instagram: Not going to lie; my sabbatical from social media was lovely, but I think I've figured out some boundaries to help it feel slightly more healthy. Let's give it a try:) Follow me here.
My Personal Instagram - Michelle Lisa Anderson: Building a community is still my goal, so I must be willing to share my life on social - even if it terrifies me. If you're curious about my life, this is where you'll find it. Follow here.
My Facebook Page - Michelle Lisa Anderson: For all you Facebook lovers (hi, Mom!), I see you. I will be posting on the Love Over Addiction page. Follow here
Love Over Addiction Facebook Page - I will be posting here, too.
Love Over Addiction YouTube: For now, I will post recordings of the Love Over Addiction podcast. In the future, I may get a little more creative. But first things first:) Follow here.
It's a privilege and an honor to write and research for you. Thank you for trusting me. I am really excited about our future and what we will achieve together.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hi, how are you? For those of you in America, it's Thanksgiving week, which I know can be |
| 0:08.4 | really triggering and really lonely. The pressure of having a good time and being surrounded by |
| 0:16.8 | friends and family and happy memories and lots of laughter isn't always the reality for people |
| 0:24.6 | like us and I just want you to know if you're in that situation I was too for many years |
| 0:30.7 | even post leaving my husband that struggled with addiction I don don't know. Around holidays, I always feel |
| 0:38.9 | insecure. I always feel like more people are having more fun than I am, or have a closer, |
| 0:47.9 | tighter-knit family than I do. Or I don't know. I don't know if it brings up any insecurities with you, but I also really enjoy |
| 0:56.8 | the holidays too, because if I can put that busy kind of insecure talk aside, I do find a lot of |
| 1:06.2 | peace. Like right now, my older kids are, my boys are out getting a sandwich. |
| 1:13.6 | My younger child is going to a golf lesson with my husband. |
| 1:18.9 | I am in the house alone with the dog and I have a fire going and I'm looking at the tree |
| 1:25.3 | and it's very quiet and I'm playing Christmas the tree and it's very quiet. |
| 1:30.4 | And I'm playing Christmas carols. |
| 1:38.6 | Apple has like a station that's called classic carols, I think, or something, crooner carols. |
| 1:39.4 | I have no idea of it. |
| 1:43.5 | It's like the old Christmas carols, like Bing Crosby. |
| 1:47.0 | And after I record this, I'm going to put on White Christmas. |
| 1:50.2 | So yeah, it's both. |
| 1:51.6 | I think both can be true. |
| 1:58.9 | You can feel really insecure and kind of left out of things or think that things should be bigger or better than they are. |
| 2:03.5 | And you can also really, enjoy things so today we are going to talk about um a time in my life where i felt like i was losing myself |
| 2:14.6 | when i was loved someone struggling with addiction. Now, you know as much as I do, |
... |
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