"I Was Almost a School Shooter." Aaron Stark's Journey to Hope | What’s Underneath: Masculinity

The Man Enough Podcast

Wayfarer Studios LLC

Education, Health & Fitness, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Mental Health

4.8 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 16 November 2023

⏱️ 67 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In a surprisingly uplifting discussion, mental health and gun control advocate Aaron Stark shares his harrowing journey from a childhood marred by extreme abuse and instability to the brink of becoming a school shooter. Stark's candid narrative begins with his early years, dominated by a violent father and a life of constant upheaval, leading to feelings of worthlessness and self-harm. His descent into darkness was halted only by the simple, yet profound, act of kindness from a friend, illustrating the transformative power of empathy and connection. Through this episode, we explore the essence of healthy masculinity and the critical role of vulnerability in mental health. Stark's story is a testament to the human spirit's resilience and the ability to reclaim life from the shadows of despair. His journey from violence to vulnerability highlights the importance of male friendship, understanding, and the courage to break free from the cycles of abuse and self-destruction. Disclaimer: This episode includes discussions of sensitive topics, such as mental health struggles and suicidal thoughts. What’s Underneath: Masculinity is Man Enough’s new series in partnership with popular media company StyleLikeU. Enjoy this series of men revealing their full selves every Thursday here on Man Enough. Watch shorter video episodes on http://YouTube.com/StyleLikeU This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp, the world’s largest therapy platform. Visit http://BetterHelp.com/WhatsUnderneath today to get 10% off your first month. New Man Enough Podcast episodes will continue to hit the feed every Monday. IN THIS EPISODE: (01:16) Jamey & Justin introduce the episode (04:02) Aaron talks about his style and people’s assumptions (09:34) High school experience & bullying (13:58) Ego death & coming out with his story after the Parkland shooting (18:57) The origins of his childhood abuse (23:56) Homelessness & self-destruction (31:29) Hitting rock bottom and how Aaron’s friend saved his life (36:50) Deciding to live (39:51) Recovery & healing (49:51) Stripping away the old, starting the new with self-care and storytelling (52:54) Feeling vulnerable & beautiful (57:03) Accountability in relationships (59:53) Weight loss journey (1:01:53) Being Man Enough AARON STARK QUOTATIONS: "He's never once said that I was wrong or that I was broken. He just said that I was a good kid in a shit world." "There's no difference in the kid in Pakistan who told me that he couldn't talk about his abuse because his bullies in his village would kill him...It's not different with the model who's throwing up in her cup for her photo shoot and me when I was about to shoot up a school. It's all just expressions of I'm not good enough inside myself, and I think I need to burn myself apart to fit life." "Treat that kid in the dark that tells himself that he hates himself constantly and tells himself that everything in his life is bad and he's the fault of it. Tell him that he's wrong because everybody else is telling him that he's right. And to me, that's a simple equation. " "Being man enough is being comfortable in yourself and realizing that when you woke up today, you were good enough. And tomorrow you're going to be good enough too. And it's okay to fail, and it's okay to cry, and it's okay to be vulnerable, and it's okay to let someone know that you love them. And it's okay to let someone know that you're hurt, and it's okay to reach out for help." FOLLOW AARON STARK: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aarongstark79/ FOLLOW MAN ENOUGH: Instagram: http://instagram.com/wearemanenough TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@wearemanenough Facebook: http://facebook.com/WeAreManEnough YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/wearemanenough Newsletter: https://manenough.com/newsletter FOLLOW STYLELIKEU: Instagram: http://instagram.com/stylelikeu TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@stylelikeu Facebook: http://facebook.com/stylelikeu YouTube: http://YouTube.com/StyleLikeU Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey everyone, before we jump in, I just want to warn you that today's episode contains content and stories that may be alarming to some listeners.
0:08.0	So please check the show notes for more detailed descriptions.
0:11.0	Thanks so much. This episode of What's Underneath
0:16.2	Masculinity is made possible with the support of better help.
0:20.1	If you want to start therapy, give better help a try and head to better H-E-L-P.com slash
0:26.3	What's Underneath for 10% off your first month.
0:30.3	All the plans that I wanted to do crystallized in my head. I knew what I was going to do. I was going to go into either the school and attack the school food court or I was going to go to the mall and attack the mall food court. So I was waiting three days to get the gun and I went to Mike at the end of that three days and when I knocked on his door I was in tears.
0:52.0	He brought me inside and he sat me down and gave me some food,
0:56.5	gave me a shower and kept on telling me you're a good kid in a shit world.
1:00.3	What he really did was he put the tiny granular bits of humanity back on the bottom shelf of my life. Hey everybody it's Jamie Heath and I'm Justin Baldoni.
1:17.0	Welcome to man enough. You're probably aware that you are now tuning in to our
1:21.6	brand new series which we launched last week. We
1:23.9	partnered with the popular YouTube channel Style Like You and every Thursday through
1:27.9	the end of the year we are presenting what's underneath, masculinity
1:32.2	presented by Better Health.
1:34.0	Today you're going to meet Aaron Stark.
1:37.1	Aaron is a mental health and gun control advocate
1:39.3	with an incredible life story that we felt
1:41.5	we had to bring to the man enough community.
1:44.0	In 1996, in the middle of experiencing homelessness, dealing with the violent and traumatic
1:49.0	upbringing, Aaron planned a school shooting at his local high school.
1:53.4	Fortunately, he did not complete the mass shooting, my goodness,
	...

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