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Keeping Records

I See Two Holes Right Now (with E.R. Fightmaster) [Re-release]

Keeping Records

Headgum

Comedy, Society & Culture, Places & Travel, Comedy Interviews, Documentary

5726 Ratings

🗓️ 12 August 2022

⏱️ 69 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

OK tiny freaks! This is our very last re-release before a very special episode next week (!) and an even more special (!!) episode the week after. So hang tight, stay tuned, don't touch that dial. We're almost back, baby.  Actor, producer, and writer E.R. Fightmaster takes great issue with the premise of Keeping Records. And the issue is that the show shouldn't be about educating the aliens on humanity—it's about making the aliens feel how we feel. And that means the aliens need to feel perplexed by CrossFit, electrified by Temptation Island, inspired by the WNBA, and...I actually am not sure what they'll think about the oyster thing. But they're gonna feel something. E.R.'s Artifacts CrossFit (human behavior) Temptation Island (audio-visual) The WNBA "Wubble" Season (audio-visual) Books about cities (literature) Oysters (food) A text that says “I’m running five behind” when you are really 20 behind (human behavior) Follow E.R. and watch them on Shrill! Also listen to their music released as Twin! Instagram Twitter Music Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript

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0:00.0

This is a headgum original.

0:10.8

In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth.

0:20.4

I sent greetings on behalf of the people of our planet and friendly wishes to all who may encounter this voyager.

0:27.6

Now, we're making new records with our friends.

0:30.6

Good-jord, Mourn, good-jord, al-Han-ihua.

0:33.6

We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship.

0:42.9

We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us.

0:52.3

Hello from the children of planet Earth

0:55.5

Whoa

0:59.5

Whoa

1:00.0

Whoa

1:01.0

Whoa

1:03.0

Whoa, whoa

1:05.0

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1:07.0

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1:11.7

What's up, you fucking freak? Whoa, whoa. Whoa.

1:12.8

What's up, you fucking freak?

1:15.4

Oh, you know, not a whole lot.

1:19.7

If I'm honest, I'm trying to sell my car, as you know.

1:22.1

I knew.

1:23.8

I didn't know you were going to take so long to get to that thought.

1:26.6

You paused for a long time. But I knew that eventually you were going to take so long to get to that thought. You paused for a long time.

...

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