An A&E, Original Podcast.

This episode contains descriptions of addiction and suicide.

Listener discretion is advised.

I did not have time to analyze anything. When I woke up, my only thought was I remember

fear, you know, when you're just the one of the first instincts you have fear is probably the first

instinct that hits you in a time like that.

In 2012, Jason Miller had just moved into a trailer with his girlfriend in Pekin, Indiana.

He had grown up just to town over with his family and a very insular community. I grew up Amish.

I described the Amish as very cult-like.

I don't want to say the Amish are a cult, but they're very cult-like.

And when I came out of that I was very suppressed right and you know everything is

don't do this and don't do that and so when I left the Amish I had a high level of

morals when I come out because I was raised right but those

started to erode and I got into you know first thing I was going to the bars

drinking no big deal partying you know and then you know for me it was drugs and women I mean that's really what kind of

overtook my life I didn't even know what addiction was I really didn't I

didn't know you could become addicted. I just

thought that you have fun and you know people that get addicted or people who are

alcoholics or people who are drug addicts are like these losers that are not me

right?

But yeah, the darkness was a young boy who was very sheltered,

who suddenly found himself out in the big bad world,

...