Thanks for downloading my call of the day podcast you two can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from two to five PM Eastern time on serious XM triumph 1 11 plants. Welcome to the program. Hey, Dr. Laura, I could listen to you read the dictionary.

Oh, thank you. Love to listen to you. Thank you. So a few months back you had mentioned at the closing your show I just caught the end of it and you said.

Oh, sir, what you have is unmatched expectations and it's growing into resentment. You don't want to let that.

And so it's been months I keep thinking about that and so I thought of calling call a reach out and call you.

Well, tell me what's happening.

All right, so it's it's pretty simple, but whenever I try to share my feelings with my wife, it, it's fine if it has to do with work or friends, but if it has to do with her, then I'm trying to be careful about it, but she, you know, takes it personally and then it all becomes about her and her feelings and then I, you know, I'm trying to, you know, take care of her feelings.

But then I, you know, she gets defensive. So give me an example of some feelings. Give me an example, please of some of those moments.

Sure, sure, sure. So like, let's say, honey, it's, it's, it's been a few weeks since we've had sex and I don't feel connected to you.

And so I'd like to talk about, you know, how can we have more intimacy, not just sex, but I mean, you know, connected and then she'll say, well, I don't feel connected either.

You know, all the stresses that I'm under and, and, you know, you're, you're working and I've got, I don't want to bother you.

So it's not like a mean thing. It's just, it starts going into how she feels disconnected from everybody and I don't want to, you know, force.

Okay. Take a break. Take a break. Take a break.

Go ahead. I have a bunch of other questions. One of them is the time as you do have sex. Tell me how that happens.

That is her choice. It's if she's happy and I've done thoughtful things or, and I, it's not a formula, but when she's full, emotionally, I think that's when it overflows and then she initiates.

And how does she initiate? What does she do to initiate?

It's not a, there's no warning. It's not a talk about. It's just she may reach over, you know, at bedtime or I see a spontaneous event. It's not a building up and then it's like, whoa, okay, we're going. Go time.

Yes, I can see that. So, okay, let's go to a different example. So we want another feeling besides the connection and the intimacy.

Sure, sure. Yeah. So like, let's say you mentioned resentment that really triggered with me. So let's say that she's been, you know, stayed home mom. I'm working.

So there was a time when she was working part time. She decided just a, she was tired of that. And so she's not. And so then there's not a budget in place. I might say, hey, I feel like I'm not appreciated all the time that I'm trying to work when you don't have a budget.

You don't, you don't earn any income anymore. And so, okay, I see the pattern is you, you talk about your feelings, but it comes out as a critique. And then she gets defensive. We do. We're girls.

So, yeah, yeah. So for example, the budget thing, okay, the important part is the budget.

She makes me feel like I'm not important or she doesn't show appreciation and all that stuff. How about we put that aside and we just go.

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