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I'm on 11. Margaret, welcome to the program. Hello, Dr. Laura. Hi. I'm I do for you. I'm kind of told to get right to the question. So I'm going to try to do that.

My son talked to you a few months ago about the death of his father and my husband and some of the advice you gave him about waking up at night and I took that and it's really helped me that when I'm waking up dreaming of those last few hours with him.

I have pictures and great memories and I try to look at those and remember that. So thank you for that. It's helped you're welcome. My whole family.

I'm talking to your son that I that I don't feel good about. I feel upset with myself. I know that there's a lot of steps to grief.

I'm sorry. I'm angry and I'll see a couple together. I'm sorry. Finish the sentence. I'm angry about.

I'm angry that he had to die at 70. We've been married 50 wonderful years. Six children and 23 grandchildren, but I'm angry because I see couples that are much older than that and his mother's 92 and I just feel like we had more to do together.

We had plans and then cancer came and and everything changed. And so I feel bad that I have these angry feelings. I feel like I'm I'm usually not an angry person and I just get so.

Explain explain a couple of things to you number one. You're not angry. You're scared.

You ever see a kitty cat?

Fangs are out. Yes. They look scary as all get out. They only do that when they're scared.

We look at them and go. That's a vicious cat. No, they're scared. You're scared. You're alone now. I mean, you got your friends. You got your family. Maybe you have a dog or a parakeet, but you're alone. I get that. I'm a widow. So I get that. You're scared.

And as you start pulling your life together and that takes a while, my dear, it'll pass. You'll always listen. No, please don't talk yet because all you're going to say is stuff to try to push away what I'm saying.

No, I'm listening because I just is, but I just feel bad. Of course you do. And there are no specific steps. That's just nonsense crap.

There's no steps to grieving. It's acclimating to a whole new life and missing somebody. And missing out on the things you planned.

I think there's 1% of people who spend their adult lives getting everything they planned.

I'm being nice about it. I don't even think it's 1%. Nobody gets everything they planned. That's just not the way it works. So right now you're scared. I remember the first day when my husband died. I came into the kitchen afterwards. And I just sort of stood there and went, what am I supposed to be doing now?

I had no, that's how lost I felt. Now, I know that feeling. Yeah, but I was, but I wanted to know what I do now at that moment. You know, right.

So what did you do? I felt like crap and I cried. I do that a lot. Well, yeah, that's, that's what happens. Doesn't happen anymore. I walk into the kitchen and I know I want to eat.

I'm clear when I walk into the kitchen while I'm there. It passes. But it's not easy and it's not fast. You're just going to have to suffer for a while and consider that normal.

I mean that there's no easy way through this.

I guess that's what I was looking for. It's some way to make it easier, but that helps. I can see what you mean by being scared.

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