One of the biggest things in the first thing I ever talk about in parenting is trying to look back at your childhood and the things that worked and what didn't work and remembering that the things that didn't work can really trigger you when you become a parent, so whether it's the whole concept of being disrespectful or, you know, tantrums or behavior or boundaries, you're going to remember some things from your childhood that can positively or how many use or negatively impact your parenting relationship with your child's all of a sudden you look at your three-year-old son and you kind of

think back to when you are a child and your parent was standing in front of you and it's a weird bizarre feeling but it happens and that is why it's so important to self-reflect and to me, that's the first way that you can start to not take it personally, right? I said that, you know, not taking it personally is the goal here but it's easier said than done. I tell you don't take it personally, okay, well, Dr. Mona, how do you know do that? The first thing is self-reflection, it's understanding, well, why am I triggered? What is it about the situation that's triggered me? Okay, I'm feeling triggered because I'm feeling

disrespected. Why do I look at it that way? Is it that I don't understand that this is normal child behavior? Is it that my parents told me that this was disrespectful behavior? Is it because society tells me that this is disrespectful behavior? But look at my child as a whole. My child as a whole is not disrespectful. My child as a whole is a three-year-old learning about boundaries and learning about how those boundaries, you know, interact with their wants and desires and when we can look at child development and tantrums in that lens, we're not going to have

those moments of frustration as much. Welcome back to the Pete's Doctalk podcast. This podcast continues to grow because of you and your reviews and ratings. So thank you for tuning in, for sharing these episodes and for all of your love for what we talk about on this podcast. On this episode of Monday Mornings with Dr. Mona, I talked to Kaylee. She is the mom of a three-year-old and she feels a little bit disrespected when her child

doesn't listen. Hey, Kaylee, thank you so much for joining me today on the podcast. So tell me, what is on your mind today as a mom? Well, thanks for having me. My three-year-old is, I don't want to say he's not very good at listening. He listens when he wants to and it's very frustrating when he doesn't listen. I want to word it when I think he should because obviously my perspective is to group of his, but it's like simple things like it's time for bed or it's time to eat or

just those day-to-day routine things he has decided, no, I don't want to. Or he just doesn't respond at all. And I'm just at the point where I'm at my wit's end, honestly. I mean, what do you do? Yeah. So what would be the hardest part of this? Is it frustrating? Do you feel disrespected? What is it if you could put it into a phrase that you feel in those moments when your three-year-old is not listening?

I want to say I feel disrespected. I think that's probably the best way. And that might be because we've really been working with him on respect and what that means. And just if you ask him, he'll say, oh, it means listening to mommy and daddy and picking up my toys and like basic things, but then he doesn't listen. So I'm like, I kind of feel disrespected from what I've taught you, you know?

And this is a common feeling that I think any parent listening can relate to and anyone who knows a child can relate to. And the first thing I want to mention is that when you're feeling this, it's really hard in the moment to feel this. So I'm not asking you to feel it in the moments that you're feeling disrespected, but I want you to look at Lockland your child as a big picture here. And I want you to focus on the things that he did do right in that day or he does do right generally speaking with their understanding.

That some days may not be perfect, you know, three year olds, four year olds, even five year olds, you know, after five, they get a little bit better at listening quote unquote, they're not doing it out of, and I know, you know, this out of disrespect, they're not doing it to make your life difficult. They're not doing it because they're trying to be bad. They are just really trying to learn about their behavior and what their behavior will cause their adults to do.

And that is what it kind of is right there. All child behavior is a either a mirror of what they're feeling, or it's them trying to test or learn about a situation with their parent. If I throw a fit and it's because of my mom took away my iPhone as an example, and I keep throwing a fit and she hands me back the iPhone.

I have now just learned that this is a boundary that's not very important to my mom. And if I cry enough, I'll get back the iPhone. So they're constantly learning about their environment, learning about boundaries, and then they're doing this, not out of disrespect, but out of just pure child development.

And when I find that when you can start to highlight the right even in your head, but also to Loughlin, right? Loughlin, really great job putting away your toys.

I don't expect him to put away his toys every time, but it programs their brain to understand that, oh, well, mommy gave me this positive reinforcement and highlighted the right when I did it, I should probably do that more.

And then when they do something we don't love, which will happen, we don't give that behavior as much attention as we do the wanted behaviors.

And that is really hard to do when you feel disrespected, which is why I asked that question, like, what does it make you feel? Because we have to get to a point where we can look at our child and the behaviors they're doing and not take it personally, which, oh, my gosh, I have a two and a half year old at the time of this recording when he stares me in the eye and just drops something after I said, if you drop it, I'm taking it away, right?

And you're like, hey, you're not listening, but remember, they're not doing that to basically, like, get you upset. They actually are just trying to see if they do it, what is going to happen?

They are constantly learning about their environment and boundaries. And so when we can remove that, this is a disrespectful thing, we can actually make more breakthroughs because then we won't take it as personal, right?

Anytime we take anything personal with a child, with a partner, with a coworker, whoever it is, it's going to be harder to move through that moment and move through to make, you know, breakthroughs.

Yeah, I like that you mentioned that because I have tried to be more aware of that in the moment. And especially he started this thing where he goes in a second, mommy.

And he got that from me because he would ask me, you know, he'd say something and I'd be like, in a second or like, give me a minute or whatever. So now he starts saying, you got back.

And I'm not like, I can't be mad about that, obviously, because I say to him, but it's like he's almost doing that on purpose to see how I would react to that.

But it's also frustrating, even knowing that information, frustrating to me, because I'm like, are you kidding me? Like, can you just do what I asked?

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