Hello Internet! Welcome to Film Theory, the show that deserves its own semi-canon novelization.

Friends, it feels like some sort of cruel joke.

The Five Nights at Freddy's movie came and went from theaters.

It was fun!

It did great financially and we all had ourselves a grand old time.

We moved on and now we wait patiently for the next installment to drop where Mike seeks

help for a sleeping disorder, and Freddy and friends take their fort building business on the road to turn it into a major real estate venture.

Everything was in balance, as it should be.

And yet, they couldn't just leave well enough alone, could they?

Because just like clockwork for this franchise, they turned the movie into a book.

A book!

Even though I announced my final episodes, I still couldn't get out of this thing fast enough,

could I?

Even though all the book releases were technically done for the franchise, after 22 solid books!

And that's not even including the graphic novels and all the other spin-off materials.

Good old Scotty Cawthon found a way to squeeze one more in on me before my foot was out the door.

And you know what I did? I read the thing.

And I gotta say, I'm glad that I did. Because let me tell you, it is a theorist gold mine.

Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you today to tell you that the FNAF movie book,

sorry, that the FNAF movie book, oh, I can't even say it. It physically makes me ill to

acknowledge that something like this exists.

Ladies and gentlemen, I stand here today to tell you that the book version of the FNAF movie,

...