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I'm 11. Julie. Welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. I have a silly dilemma, which I need your thoughts on. Before you tell me the dilemma, tell me what makes it silly.

Well, I was listening to your show yesterday and one of your callers started to cry and you made the comment of stop crying. It makes you weak.

And I was the circumstance hold on hold on. See, this is the problem that I have when people hear a snippet of something and then generalize it.

So I'll tell you a little story when I was in training to become a psychotherapist. I had a woman who came to me. It was sort of in the morning.

She was always dressed beautifully hair perfect makeup perfect. I should be so perfect any one day of the year anyway. She sat there within 20 seconds became a water faucet of crying with her nose running.

So she cost me a lot of money and tissues. I'll tell you that. So I realized that I was having no emotional reaction to her cry.

So I went to my supervisor and I said, maybe I'm not cut out to be a psychotherapist. And he said, what makes you say that?

And I said, because this woman is crying, slaubering nose running, crying, slaubering nose running. And I'm sitting there feeling nothing. And he said because she's not crying.

Damn, if he wasn't right. See, we can physically cry. We can physically laugh. We can physically look sad. We can put on any face we like. It doesn't mean it's real.

So that's one example of how I might deal with somebody crying. So it's certainly not a lack of compassion, but it's picking up on when that behavior is appropriate. And it is kind of standard for women.

When we're stressed out and in a confrontational situation, we cry. Not because we're really sad. But because we're hoping the other person will back off.

So there are lots of things which turn into tears, which is why in any particular call, I might sound very compassionate or I might tell the person, take breaths, stop the crying.

Because I'm trying to train them, had a handle a confrontational situation. So tell me again why you think your question is going to be silly.

Because I feel weak because when I'm crying like right now, you have to be crying right now. You just turned on the waterworks.

And I don't know how to turn them off. So if you were yelling at Madam, Madam, Madam, it's not going to work with me with whom does it work? It works with somebody.

Can I give you two examples? No, I don't want examples. I want to know with whom the turning on the waterworks works.

How it gets them to back off. How it gets them to be sympathetic or give in to you. Think. This works with somebody. You're just generalizing it.

And I knew you were going to ask me questions like this. And I have been my God, you're psychic. So you're not going to answer it. Is that correct?

You knew in advance. Now tell me the truth. Yes or no? You knew in advance I was going to specifically ask you who in your life since childhood did this work with?

There's no way in the world you knew that question was coming.

I didn't think you were going to ask me the question of who did it work with. I thought you were going to ask me the question was crying ever an issue as a kid.

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