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Lindsay, welcome to the program.

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call. Thank you. What can I do for you?

It's it has to do the relationship my relationship with my mom. I am 37 years old live on my own grew up listening to your program, which is why I'm calling today.

And bear with me, I'm feeling really nervous.

But yes, something just happened with I'm on this morning that prompted the call. I am close to engagement and my mom want my boyfriend to ask my brother for permission for my hand in marriage.

And I asked her to please not intervene in that this is between them.

I'm just wondering what whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, can you just slow down so I can understand that.

So you would rather your brother talk to your fiance to say you need to ask for my hand for, I'm sorry for Lindsay's hand in marriage. Is that what?

That's what I understood you to say.

I would prefer to not be involved and my mom is asking me to get involved and that I need to tell my boy.

I really don't understand at all.

You have lost me completely. So let's try again.

Do you have a problem with your boyfriend? He's not your fiance yet with your boyfriend asking permission from your family for your hand in marriage. Do you have a problem with that concept?

No, not at all.

Okay, so historically the boyfriend knew that he was supposed to do this. Nobody had to tell him historically because it was the respectful and very romantic respectful thing to do.

But since that's not valued sadly, not valued as much these days, he may not know that you would prefer that and that that is a respectful thing to do to become part of your family, not just marrying you.

And your mother, your brother, if your dad is not there anymore, they're a very good measure if you've chosen right. So historically the man would have to prove himself to the father so the father would say, okay, you can support her, you're kind, you haven't done, you haven't been in jail.

You know, they would go through all these things to make sure that we're sort of like protecting the daughter. We're considering how many horrendous mistakes women make and picking men since that era stopped. Maybe we should go back to it.

But if you like the respect and its romantic and its tradition from way back, he may or may not know that that is what you are wanting and expecting. So somebody needs to queue women. So who would you like that to be?

That's a great point that he might not know. I do assume that he does know, but you're right. And the answer that question would be my brother. I'd rather my brother talk to him like, man to man.

Then call your brother, take him out to lunch and say, this is a tradition that I respect. It shows respect for all of you. It shows me that you respect my choice. And I feel more confident in my choice if you guys are enthusiastic.

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