This TED Talk features writer and social justice advocate Kristen Ryder, recorded live at TEDx Mile High Women, 2016.

I recognized the roles that were placed on me very early.

One persistent concept that I observed existing in our language, in our media, was that women

are not only supposed to have children, they are supposed to want to.

This existed everywhere. It existed in the ways that adults spoke to me, when they posed questions in the context of when,

when you get married, when you have kids.

And these future musings were always presented to me

like part of this American dream,

but it always felt to me like someone else's dream.

You see, a value that I have always understood about myself

was that I never wanted children.

And as a kid, when I would try to explain this,

this disconnect between their roles and my values,

they often laughed in the way that adults do with the absurdities of children.

And they tell me knowingly,

you'll change your mind.

And people have been saying things like that to me my whole life.

Otherwise, polite conversation can turn intrusive fast.

Does your husband know?

Do your parents know?

Don't you want a family?

Don't you want to leave anything behind?

...