I Didn’t See Your Text

Note to Self

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4.7 • 2.7K Ratings

🗓️ 4 October 2017

⏱️ 16 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

And other fibs we tell our friends, family and lovers. Psychotherapist Esther Perel is back to call us on our bullsh*t.

This is the second of our two-parter on how our phones create such intimacy and such distance. Esther’s new book is The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. Listen to part one here.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello, my name is Jessica. I'm from Keller, Texas. I have been ghosted, but not by a romantic
0:10.6	interest, but by a friend. We had been friends for about a year and a half when he just completely
0:18.9	disappeared. Me and some other friends, you know, we tried getting a hold of him through
0:24.2	various means. We couldn't find them. We thought something bad had happened. We were wondering
0:32.1	if we should contact hospitals. We had been checking obituaries because we just had no
0:39.1	idea why he vanished so thoroughly. And it was really hard. I finally got a hold of his
0:48.7	brother who confirmed that he was alive and well and totally fine. Just, you know, not responding
0:58.3	to us at all for whatever reason. People are suffering of aloneness. That social isolation isn't
1:08.7	unrelated to ghosting, to the lack of accountability. These things are all part of one large picture.
1:15.4	Take five minutes and just ask yourself, who do I owe a phone call to? Who do I need to check in
1:21.1	with that I haven't checked in with? Who did I leave hanging and never went back to? No to
1:27.6	self. It's not your imagination. It is becoming socially normal to just get busy and disappear on your
1:35.0	friends and family. And it's happening all over the place. But is it acceptable? I'm a new
1:42.0	summer Odie and it's my job to help you focus on what really matters to you in this crazy accelerating
1:49.2	world. And this is episode two of a fascinating conversation with renowned therapist Esther Perrell
1:56.4	about the way our relationships are changing. Last week we focused on the romantic. We're still
2:02.8	going to go there today. But this conversation extends beyond our partners to our families, our
2:09.1	friends and our co-workers. I mean, is there a way to change this to demand more accountability
2:15.8	from each other without sounding, I don't know, funny, dirty, and old fashioned. So we've talked
2:25.3	about the person who's being ghosted. We've talked about the person being iced or simmered. But what about
2:29.7	the person doing all this? So, you know, I met this lady recently. It was very interesting.
2:35.1	Wonderful woman we're talking. And she said, you know, even I, I've changed. If I go out on a date
	...

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