A quick heads up. This episode deals with a number of difficult topics, specifically including

self-harm and suicide. Thank you for listening.

A lot of what I'm about to describe comes from police reports from the early morning of

April 13, 1998.

A little after midnight on Long Island in New York, Suffolk County police sergeant Robert

Bell stopped by Rama's Long Island home. He was familiar enough with the place. He

had worked private security for Rama. The house, Bell said, was lit up like a Christmas

tree. The front door was closed but unlocked. He called for Rama, nothing. Then he asked

the caretaker for the home to come over and help him look. Inside, they found a house

in disarray. Furniture turned over, linens across the house stained with blood, dog feces.

In the kitchen broken glass littered the floor. Rama's wallet had been emptied. His IDs

and credit cards strewn across the counter. Police found pills and emptied liquor bottles

around the house. Something was, obviously, not right. But it would be almost nine hours

until Sergeant Bell and the world knew exactly what this snapshot into Rama's private life

really meant.

For most people, Rama was a very public figure. It was true for a lot of his students too.

Even though he had individual interactions with them at times, he was still the guy on

stage, teaching at a seminar, leading a desert hike, empowering their companies. He had

a role. But of all the people I talked to about Rama, there's one person who seemed to

have a unique peak behind the curtain. Lisa Erickson saw a side of Rama that from what

I can tell, not too many people did.

You know, it was a very meaningful experience in my life. A lot of the ways that I was meaningful

...