Hi Esther. I'm 34 years old and I unknowingly dated a sex worker.

I'm hoping you can help me answer questions and unpack some lingering thoughts about that relationship.

I fell head over heels for this woman I met a handful of times in social settings over the course of about a year.

After our first date, we spent almost every day together for months, and I was crazy about her.

I knew she did modeling, and it didn't bother me.

I knew that was a part of her life.

But after an argument one day, she opened up to me and told me that she did

something with only fans. I asked her if she was currently making content or if that was in the past.

She said it was prior to us dating. I wasn't thrilled, but I was trying to stay regulated and ask questions, perhaps more like an investigator than a curious partner.

She described doing things, taking pictures, and doing some other custom content that she couldn't remember.

And then I became more upset that I felt like she was

misrepresenting the facts to appease my emotions and manage my reaction. In hindsight, I think I was

just naive and didn't trust my gut. We eventually broke up and had no contact for several months.

And during that time of no contact, I let my prior inklings about her sex work get the better at me.

And after a deep dive down the internet rabbit hole, I found what I was looking for.

Part of me felt kind of excited to see her posing nude and engaging in sex acts with another

man. Maybe it was validating my own sexual competence or there's a voyeuristic quality about it,

but it was also painful, knowing that she was actively profiting from that or engaging in that

while we were together. It felt like a big betrayal and it felt like our relationship was built on this big lie.

Later, we ended up reconnecting in a platonic way.

But I chose not to tell her that I found out about the sex work, the only fans.

I don't know if I was trying to avoid being mean and calling her out, like a gotcha. I don't know if I was trying to avoid being mean and calling her out, like a gotcha.

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